I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize