Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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