I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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