woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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