Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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