Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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