his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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