omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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