watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize