Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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