We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize