I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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