i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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