I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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