1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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