WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize