I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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