Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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