i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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