his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize