so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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