hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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