i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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