I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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