I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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