dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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