Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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