UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize