I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize