your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize