Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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