He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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