remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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