There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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