yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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