I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize