he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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