Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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