Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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