True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
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Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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