I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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