Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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