So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize