ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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