make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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