9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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