You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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