and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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