dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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