I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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